It’s common for people with big goals to get frustrated, maybe even angry they aren’t going as fast as we’d like them to go. Yesterday, I had an opportunity to discuss this with a friend. He was mad that he didn’t burn enough calories during his workout plan – his goal is to get in shape.

First, I asked “What commitment did you make to yourself?”  He said that he hadn’t really made a commitment except that he wanted to get in shape.

It may seem like an argument of semantics, but I disagree.  He did make a commitment to take action.  But he may not have been entirely conscious of the commitment. It may have been as simple as “I’ll exercise every day for 30 minutes.”  Otherwise, what is there to be angry about?

Let me give an example.  You are meeting a friend for dinner.  She says she’ll be there at 7 o’clock.  7:45 rolls around and she finally arrives.  You are angry – or at least irritated.  Why?  Because she broke the commitment.  If she had said “I’ll be there sometime tonight.”  And she still arrived at 7:30 are you still mad?  No. She didn’t break the commitment.  My friend had a commitment that he felt he broke, but I’m not sure he was aware of what the commitment was.

Clarify Commitments

Conscious or not, I think we should be aware of our commitments and clarify them.  If my friend could put his finger on what he’s expecting from himself and write it out, then it’s easier tracked.  It will all boil down to yes or no questions “Did I exercise 30 minutes today?”

Choose Reasonable Commitments

Commitments should be stuff you can do.  If you’ve never exercised a day in your life, and you are holding yourself to 2 hours a day of 7 days a week, that’s a recipe for failure.  Like the saying goes “inch by inch….”  To be successful, we must commit to that “inch” 3-5 times a week.

On the other hand, one inch every 3 or 4 weeks (depending on how you feel at the time) just isn’t going to cut it.

Rewards and Punishment

I’d also recommend rewarding good behavior and punishing bad.  Say after a day of working out you can enjoy a DVD movie, popcorn and a glass of wine.  Then after a week of working out for the days committed treat yourself to an evening out.  But if you miss a day, then no enjoyable activities that same night.  No DVD, no popcorn, and you sure as hell aren’t getting any wine either. The punishment must be swift and you must stick to it.

Holding your own feet to the fire can be tough, but it’s crucial. Saying “oh just this once I won’t meet my commitment but I’m still going to watch my favorite show” undermines progress.  The next time you don’t feel like doing it, it becomes that much easier to shrug off.  An evening of “adult time-out” might just motivate you to meet your commitment right then and there so you can get it over with and get back to the fun.

If you see a reward at the end of the tunnel ONLY for meeting your commitment and a punishment for not doing it, then doing what you need to becomes second nature.

Arguably this is very BF Skinnerish, but it works.  It’s worked for me on countless occasions.  I had frequent rewards in place.  And I had rewards every week for weekly success.   But I also had punishments for not doing lined up too that I forced myself to stick to.  I still weep thinking of all those nights of Counter-Strike I missed just because I couldn’t get my act together.

No dessert can be just as effective on adults as on our kids…

People often comment about me being thin – maybe too thin.  I can’t help but feel the trick I am about to tell you has something to do to keep lean.

When I was in ROTC boot camp at Quantico, the drill sergeants felt they needed to teach us everything from the ground up. Yes, I learned how to brush my teeth again. I learned how to shine shoes. And yes, I learned a new way to eat.

What they teach you to do is put your fork down between bites.

It may not sound like an earth shattering tip, but let’s break it down:

When you put down your eating utensil, you are mentally pausing while you eat.  This lets you enjoy your food more.  Plus, it gives your brain more opportunity to tell if you are full.

I’ve seen oddly shaped timers for sale that you are supposed to set, take a bite and chew your food until it rings.  You don’t need a timer if you simply set down your utensil between bites. Silverware is everywhere.  I can easily see leaving a timer like this behind…on purpose.

I’d also add, similar to how Jill Weisenberger says in 10 Reasons You’re Not Losing Weight, “Make it a house rule to eat from a dish.”  I suggest using silverware for eating most everything.  For example, I eat pizza with a knife and fork.  Just don’t forget to set down the fork between bites.

If you are eating from a dish with silverware, you can see the portion sizes.  You have more control over how quickly you eat.  And when you go back for more, you have to make a conscious effort to do so.