One of the best tools we all have at our disposal is information. With information, we can make better decisions. We can save money. Life becomes generally a lot easier.
But what if someone is lying to you about something or holding back the truth? You can’t make a good decision based on bad information or lies can you?
Take all the “Free Disney Vacations” people take unwittingly take advantage of. These people don’t know up front that the condo-tour they take as a requirement ends up being a timeshare hard-sell that very few people can escape without leaving a hefty deposit and signing a contract. 
Missing information leaves us in the dark and vulnerable. We make mistakes and stumble. If the information being withheld affects us personally, we can suffer embarrassment and unnecessary expense.
Being lied to is no fun. Especially in matters you consider personally important.
That’s why rooting out the lies are so important.
If the subject matter is none of my business, I butt out. But if it is my business, here are some of the strategies I use to get to the heart of the matter.
Ask lots of dumb questions
Now hear me out. If you feel you are being lied to or the wool is being pulled over your eyes, it’s time to start getting dumb. Dumb like a fox. If the person you suspect is lying is telling you a story. Ask questions closely related to but unrelated to the lie itself.
For instance, if you are buying a car and you sense the dealer is trying to pad in some hidden charges it’s time for some good old fashioned dumb questioning.
Something along these lines should work:
- I need to know how many coats of paint are on the car? And is there an extra charge for paint?
- What do you guys do with the hubcaps after you sell the car?
- I have kids; do you guys have car seats that match the interior?
After you’ve established how far you are willing to dig, then it’s time to go in for the kill and attack the suspicion directly. “Hey, what’s this BRB charge for $379.99? On the Internet that stands for be right back. Are you charging me for some Internet slogan?” You might find out some car dealers have a sense of humor and it really was a charge for the slogan BRB.
It may feel weird to do, but in a situation like this, the dealer is under time pressure to make a sale, you are starting to eat away at his time. Even though, he may seem like he has all the time in the world, he really doesn’t. Besides, what do you care if someone who charges you $379.99 for BRB thinks you are stupid?
Use the Interrogator’s questioning method
Ask the person to repeat their story. Police interrogators are famous for this one. And amazingly, it works equally well with kids, coworkers and spouses who are planning your surprise birthday party.
Here’s how it works:
Someone tells you a story you suspect is a lie. You sit and listen carefully to the story. When they are done, you go back towards the beginning of the story and deliberately mess something up about the story so they have to tell it to you again.
Example:
You: “You said you saw Uncle Al crossing the street when you realized you weren’t drinking and driving?”
Young driver: “No, I said I saw a police officer as I was driving downtown, it reminded me I hadn’t had a drink all day.”
Their flaw of referring to a police officer as an it is another point in the story you can go back to for clarification.
You: “Now tell me again what the thing was that reminded you?”
Young driver: “huh?”
You: “You tell such an entertaining story, I want to make sure I got it. Before, you said “it” reminded you hadn’t had a drink all day. What was the it thing you were talking about?”
The key to this method is people who don’t tell the truth expand on their lies to make the story more interesting. After someone has told a long drawn out lie once or twice, the third time they start to get bored with it. But not only that, they think of “improvements” to their story to cover their bases. The only problem is, if you’ve been keeping track, these new details will stick out like a sore thumb.
“Ok, so what you are telling me is you saw a police officer dressed as a dog walking your uncle Al across the street right?”
When you have a clear example of a lie you can point to, you can leverage that to discredit the entire story.
“You’re obviously not telling the truth. You were drinking and driving weren’t you?”
Use Time to Your Advantage
Drawing out someone’s lie can take a very long time, so prepare yourself. In fact, if you are determined to draw out the lie, plan on working the situation twice as long as you think the other person will talk to you.
Since you are prepared for the long drawn out conversation, and the other person isn’t you have a distinct advantage. You’ve heard the term “breaking down the witness.” Time pressure is the influencing factor.
People who are lying don’t have a lot of time. They want to go in, tell the lie and get out as fast as possible. If you lean back, pour some hot chocolate and take your shoes off without any rush at all, then the liar will feel the pressure from the first second.
Their instinct will be to build an even more convincing story so you’ll buy it and let them go. Not on your watch. You’ll get to the bottom of it.
Overall, it’s no fun to be lied to or for you to operate on information someone is holding back. It’s painful and troubling when it involves you personally. But when confronted with one of these situations, these are some good ways to root out the hidden information.
{ 3 comments }
I’m not terribly assertive and I can be a bit of a sucker, so this is very interesting advice.
Do you have any advice on how to follow up — on how to deal with the lie once you’re sure you’ve rooted it out?
P.S. I meant to mention that the “dumb questions” approach reminds me of the TV detective “Columbo,” which is another reason I like it.
What you do with the information would depend on what you want out of the situation. If you were buying something, you might use the exposure to get an extra discount or perk. “Hey, if you are going to just pad the bill like that how do I know there’s not any more padding in there? ”
RE: dumb questions. I think it’s Roger Dawson (negotiation expert) who says “Dumb is smart, Smart is dumb.”
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