Has this ever happened at your house? It happens at mine all of the time. You walk in the door, and your partner is angry. Despite the fact that you’ve had a great day at work, the entire evening spirals out of control and into an argument that you don’t even understand. One argument turns into another, and pretty soon, you lose track about what you were fighting about in the first place?
Don’t worry – it happens to all of us involved in relationships at some point. There are, though, several ways that you can end the problem before it spirals into a messy night of argument after argument.
First, listen to what your partner is not saying. It may sound odd, but listen for the “I don’t feel well today,” or the “We lost a really big contract at work, and I’m a little anxious about the status of my job right now.” If you can look past the “You do everything wrong,” statements for your partner’s underlying feelings, you’ll not only be able to diffuse the situation, you’ll also help your partner to get past the anger front.
Second, even if you can’t figure out what’s gone wrong, try to be understanding about your partner’s feelings. Understand what your partner needs when he or she is angry. If it’s space, grant them that. If it’s a loving shoulder to cry on when the anger is gone, offer that as well.
Finally, think about every word you say. Unlike your keyboard, your tongue doesn’t have a backspace. You can never get rid of those words once they’re hanging in the air of your home, and while you can apologize, you can’t get rid of the feelings you create in your partner once you say those hurtful things.
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