From the time we are kids, we learn almost automatically if something goes wrong, look for someone else to blame. Blaming others may solve a short term problem like retaining a job until the next mishap, but for the long term it is a habit that will lead to failing results if you never alter it.
A high responsibility quotient on the other hand will virtually guarantee the outcomes you desire. The higher your RQ grows, the less excuse-making, blaming, and pessimism will hold you back. Your RQ empowers you to get things done in a whole new way, without meekly depending on others to throw you a bone here and there.
So how do you figure out your responsibility quotient (or RQ)? Read on to find out…
First a little background…As mentioned, there is always a tendency to look outside of ourselves for better outcomes in our lives.
You may have caught yourself thinking or saying something like:
“If my boss would just give me a raise, everything would be okay.”
“I have a messy house because my husband or wife isn’t doing their fair share.”
“I’d be further along in my career if the company would just give me training.”
“I blame my parents for how I am.”
“It’s not what you know it’s who you know.”
Those are all convenient statements, however, they are all wrong. Because there is only one person responsible for your outcomes…
You!
Although it’s tempting to blame someone else for why you aren’t getting the results you are getting, your blame is misdirected. Raising your responsibility quotient means the degree to which you accountable for your own success or failure.
You could feel 0% responsible or 85% responsible. But no matter how we feel about our circumstance, we are ultimately 100% responsible. Seeing anyone else as the reason you are where you are is an illusion.
The problem is it is a social norm to seek out others to blame for the bad things that happen. Nobody wants to face the music. It feels easier to pass the buck, but what we wind up with isn’t easier at all. Responsible people are the ones who win, while those who pass blame, don’t.
Why Others Aren’t Responsible For The Outcomes You Want:
While you are wanting a certain outcome for your life, others are working on certain outcomes for their lives. Not always, but often what you want and what they want are out of alignment.
- He wants freedom, she wants security
- The company wants overtime, the employee has a family to raise
- She wants weight loss, he loves to eat
Those are all examples of how alignment of outcomes dramatically affects how others will help or not help with your outcomes. So you can see, blaming someone else is ineffective and an outright distortion of reality.
Blame wastes time, limits idea generation and decreases your influence with others.
However raising your responsibility quotient to where you are 85%, 90% and eventually 100% responsible is the only safe way to ensure you reach the success you want. Frankly, whether you admit it or not, you are fully responsible anyway. Acknowledging that only you controls your outcomes will immediately raise your self esteem and will guarantee you will reach your goal.
Does Raising My RQ Mean Abandoning Others?
If you want more success for your life, raise your responsibility quotient. Yet, I am not arguing that you should not seek the help of other people. By having an RQ of 100% means if you elicit the help of a painter to paint your house and he does a crummy job, you are still ultimately the one responsible because you hired him!
A high RQ means you aren’t going to waste time sitting around complaining about the bad paint job. Instead, you will get to work making it right. That either means getting the painter to fix his errors, painting it yourself or hiring someone else to do it. A high RQ helps you focus on what can be, where a low RQ keeps you stuck on what was.
Finding People Who Can Help You
The secret to getting help is to find alignment.
If you can find someone whose goals are in alignment with yours then can you relax a little. Finding someone who wants to see a beautifully painted house just as much as you means you won’t have to work as hard. Though, if it’s something you want, it’s still your responsibility to make it happen.
By raising your responsibility quotient, you will resist the temptation to blame others when things don’t go right. Blaming as we saw before, is an illusion and a waste of time.
Instead, take the bull by the horns. Break on through to the other side. Take full responsibility for your own life and outcomes and you cannot fail.
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Hey Brad!
Great post…
My RQ is currently at 94.86 so there are definitely some improvements I need to making.
Thanks,
Aaron Brandon
That’s excellent Brad! Even those with the highest RQ could probably stand a point or two of improvement.
Here’s what I wonder, and maybe others can shed some light on this:
Has the general societal RQ plummeted in the past 30-40 years? Or has it always been this low?
I know my historical perspective is not that broad b/c I’m only 30ish, but it seems to me that the global RQ has plummeted even in the past 15 years. It seems to be the modus operandi of our government from top to bottom, and it doesn’t stop there. There are so many people these days who don’t even register on the RQ scale.
Is this a new phenomenon, or has it always been like this?
Brad,
Another benefit to accepting responsibility in your life is that it creates great opportunities. Often, in my personal experience, I have been in situations where the deciding factor for choosing a leader was finding someone who would accept responsibility if everything went wrong.
Because I am willing to accept responsibility for projects I believe in, I have often become the leader be default.
The funny thing is that very few things in life blow up catastrophically. When projects go wrong, there are opportunities to change course and (often enough) the people at the top change their mind and move on to other things before you finish. But, because you grabbed the reigns, you are now seen as a person who ‘gets things done.’
When the project works, you are the hero and move on to bigger and better things.
Great article,
Andrew Seltz
The Go-To Guy!
http://www.AndrewSeltz.com
@Aaron, that’s a good score. I am guessing you get more projects assigned to you.
@B. Riley, good question. I think a lot of people look back to the WWII days and say that was the greatest generation. Seems people all felt a sense of duty – those who didn’t were shunned.
Now, there are some people who blame drugs, alcohol and the unfairness of life for all of their ills. I would like to think they aren’t the majority of people – but the 80/20 rule might be figuring in. 20 percent of the people feel a sense of duty or take responsibility while 80 percent don’t?
What I am saying is I’m not sure. It’s worth a discussion though.
I have to disagree with you about the painter thing. If he does a bad paint job, its HIS fault!
I agree however, that this generation is getting too used to blaming other people. I think this goes hand in hand with people getting more lazy. Together, these two changes in society are forming new problems such as obesity (which I believe stems mostly from 1. computer-oriented lives and 2. its just much more convenient to eat junk than fresh food).
Geoff
You’re right about our RQ. In any case, we need a high RQ to avoid problems like the one about blaming others. Learning how to be responsible is a huge leap in our development.
I agree with Geoff about technology which is causing a lot of people to be lazy. It has completely change the way we view things. We often think that there is a simpler and faster way to do things. It shows that we are having problems with responsibility.
RQ, good read, needed that one. I think I might be in the low sector as well. I am surrounded by those who always have a “fall-back” man. I asked one employee more than once if he ever took responsibility for anything in his entire life!!! However, this is more for me as I find myself getting into the mindset of “if only….” Time for me to wake up, smell the coffee and some as well…Thanks Brad!
I have to disagree with you about the painter thing. If he does a bad paint job, its HIS fault!
Geoff, stick with me for a minute.
Think of it this way, I own the house and I want it painted, that’s what I want. The painter may want something totally different, he may want an easy job where he can sloppily go along and get paid.
A person with a high RQ knows that ultimately, they are responsible for the events that unfold in their life. So they seek out a painter who takes ownership of the job, and treats it as their own house.
By having a high Responsibility Quotient one realizes that whatever they want is secondary in everyone else’s mind. Because everyone else has their own wants and needs.
We hope that a painter will do a good job, but if he doesn’t, all the blame in the world will not absolve me of a bad paint job on my own house. A higher RQ sets the course for a good paint job up front or resolving a bad one if that occurs.
Make sense?
Brad,
I love the idea of an RQ! I’ve long been a believer that working toward an RQ of 100 is the best defense against all manner of self-inflicted ailments we can experience in life.
What good does it do (beyond the momentary bliss of considering yourself “right”) does it do to play the blame game?
Nada. Zilch. Whatever it is, is still there.
We can’t control others or events, but we can always control:
- our thoughts
- our actions
- our responses
In getting a grip on these three, you’ll find your RQ as close to 100 as you can get.
Great topic here!
the fact is that personal responsibility costs a lot, in the short term of course.
For the complainers, getting out from their comfort zone is one of the most difficult challenges they could ever face, but it’s also one of the most rewarding!!
The truth is this: no pain, no growth…
Thanks for sharing
A former complainer
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