We were packing to leave Williamsburg, Va. One of my son’s jobs was to pack up his and his sisters’ air mattresses and sleeping bags. He got them all rolled up, ready to be inserted into the carrying bags. This was the point at which he got stuck.
“Son, you need to put the air mattresses into their carrying bags.”
“I can’t” he said.
I didn’t miss a beat. I said “you can and you will.”
He asked me how.
I said “you’ll learn how when you do it.”
He probably figured I couldn’t be budged on this subject, so he simply bagged up the air mattresses as if he’d done it 100 times.
When he was done, I wanted to reinforce the lesson. . I asked him “when you said ”i can’t’ while you were trying to bag up the air mattresses, what did that mean?
“That I was wrong?” he said.
I said not only that, but almost always ‘I can’t’ is a trick. If you couldn’t, the sleeping bags and mattresses wouldn’t be bagged. It’s important to understand this lesson. Can’t is usually a lie. The opposite of the lie is I can.
You can
There is a difference between “can’t” and not knowing how. We have to get out of the habit of saying “I can’t.” Because with very few examples, it’s a lie. The word can’t, by it’s meaning, implies permanence.
When we talk about being a no-limit person, this is one of the first steps. Eliminating the word “can’t” from your vocabulary is an important psychological step. If you run around saying “I can’t” all the time, you eventually won’t be able to do the important steps necessary for your success.
Not knowing how…Yet!
So if “I can’t” is a lie, but saying I can isn’t true either, then what? “I don’t know how…Yet” is the target.
Where can’t implies permanence, I don’t know how yet implies transition. It means I’m at the beginning of the journey of which I will reach the destination. The word yet means eventually.
You might think my 12 year old is different. You might think nobody over 18 says “I can’t”.
That’s funny, I hear it all the time. “I can’t open this spreadsheet.” “I could never build a program.” I can’t lose weight. Almost every day someone makes an excuse to me about something they “can’t” do.
So don’t shrug off what I’m saying. I’ve caught myself at times saying “I can’t”. Don’t be surprised if it sneaks up on you too.
I will
“I will” is liberating. Let’s break it down shall we?
If we go back to my conversation with my son, I finished the sentence with “You will.” You will means there is no options except to succeed. The verb will is a permanent direction or end. I will means it is going to get done, no questions asked.
So bringing it all together, if we are to reach the level of no limits, I encourage some changes of attitude. Another sentence to add to your habitual sayings is “I will”.
The two phrases “I will” and “You will” are effective. What options have you left yourself if you say “I will”? You can do it and meet your commitment or not do it and disappoint those who are expecting you to stick to your word.
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Excellent advice. A great manager I once worked for often said, “You don’t get better at something by NOT doing it,” and he was right!
Although I don’t seem to be getting better at house painting, even though I’m on my second room.
Oh well, I suppose it’s that I’m not getting better…YET.
It took me several years of painting the wrong way before I finally learned the right way to do it. My sister who did house painting professionally showed me how to hold the brush, push ‘the bead of paint’ and cut in windows. I love your quote btw.
Sigh…now I have to give props to my mother. Thanks….
Her favorite saying when I was growing up? “Tell me you won’t, don’t tell me you can’t”.
Sounds like a very wise mother. Get her an extra special Christmas gift for that one.
Nice post man.
Yes, a great reminder. I especially want to make use of the phrase, “I will…” That sounds perfect for an affirmation and for gathering all the nerve we need when we’re daunted by the task/goal ahead of us.
Different people, different thoughts, and different opinions. I like how you explained that. Perhaps we should always have an optimistic behavior towards our life. Thanks for sharing it because I haven’t read such snippet in months.
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