Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Tommy Galan the author of Happy Universe.
The difference between those who realize a desired result and those who don’t is often found in the language, or words we use. Even the language in the last sentence is carefully structured to avoid using the word “failure.” While “failure” is considered negative, not reaching a desired result is simply a lesson learned, and a chance to correct the course of action the next time.
Language plays a huge part in our ability to achieve goals, meet obligations, and view ourselves as valuable humans beings. Take the following hypothetical for example: There are two children. One grows up in a family where the parents constantly tell the child that he will never amount to anything, that he’s a failure, and he does poorly in school and sports because he is a loser. The other child is praised for good actions. He’s told that he is loved, and that he can achieve anything when he focuses his mind. Wouldn’t you agree that the second child has a greater chance of reaching his goals? The reason is language.
We use language to communicate to one another, and importantly, we use language to talk to ourselves. How do you speak to yourself? Do you beat yourself up when you “fail”? Sometimes we don’t even listen to the way we speak to ourselves. Our minds get locked into a pattern, and we become unaware of the disempowering words we use to describe our reality. Even words that seem innocuous can have great impact if we associate pain with such words. Exercise, for example, is a word that most people consider harmless. However, many people associate pain with exercise, and then refrain from good health. We take steps towards achieving the goals we set by reframing our self-talk.
We reframe our language by first becoming aware of the way we speak to ourselves. The best time to become aware is when we are in a peak emotional state. It is during such states that our language is most obvious. Listen to yourself the next time you do not reach a goal, or when you have succeeded. What language do you use? Do you say, “I’m such a loser, I’ll never make it” or do you say, “Where can I improve for my next attempt?” When you succeed do you think, “I’m the best, I will always win,” thereby setting yourself up for future disappointment, or do you recognize the reasons why you succeeded and hone those areas for the future achievements?
Once you become aware or conscious of your self-talk, you can then break the pattern, reframe and replace your language. Returning to the example of exercise, I find it incredibly helpful to never “exercise.” Instead, I move in a way that I find fun and exciting. I ride a bike. I play with my son. It’s exciting for me to challenge myself with long distance running. When my self-talk points me towards fun and excitement, I want to go in that direction. Understanding language and communication is power, and it starts with the ability to talk to yourself rationally.
Tommy Galan is the author of HappyUniverse, a blog dedicated to designing happy lives through exciting goals and healthy lifestyle. A few of his many adventures include performing on Broadway, earning a Juris Doctorate, finishing marathons, and traveling the world. He lives in New York City with his wife and son.
Photo by Matt Palmer
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“The best time to become aware is when we are in a peak emotional state.” I agree. Unfortunately, this also seems to be the most difficult time to remember to become aware! I guess it comes with practice and making a commitment to oneself to actively change destructive self-talk.
Thanks for the post. I enjoyed it.
Laurie | Express Yourself to Successs last blog post..The Importance of Greeting Others in the First 90-Seconds
Excellent post. Our outlook in life can be determined by the language we use. For instance, people who are angry and bitter tend to say “hate” a lot.
Yep, that is right. If we will take a look into a psychology – they say that language reflects human mind, its thoughts. So motivating your language for success – you motivate your mind – motivate yourself to acheive some goals.
Failure, because of quitting, is really a decision. Many people try something once or twice and if they do not hit the bulls-eye, they feel that they are a failure. Failing does not make anyone a failure,
but quitting most certainly does and quitting is a decision. By following that form of reasoning, you would have to say when you make a decision to quit, you make a decision to fail.