Persistence Unlimited » Relationships http://persistenceunlimited.com Goal Setting and Productivity for People Who Like Technology Tue, 06 Oct 2009 19:19:39 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc en hourly 1 When to Argue http://persistenceunlimited.com/2009/08/when-to-argue/ http://persistenceunlimited.com/2009/08/when-to-argue/#comments Wed, 26 Aug 2009 12:27:50 +0000 Brad Isaac http://persistenceunlimited.com/?p=1648

While dropping my kids off at school this morning, I heard them arguing about musical instruments. For 5 minutes I listened to “you will have to play the recorder in your grade!” followed up by “no I won’t!”

Dumb arguments aren’t confined to kids. I once sat in a 2 hour meeting where two people argued over which shade of green to pick for a sidebar on a webpage.

I think before entering into any argument we need to ask ourselves 3 questions:

1. What do I get if I win?
2. What do I lose if I lose?
3. What is the cost of this argument?

I advised my kids: If the answer to questions one and two are nothing then say “okay” and talk about something else.

Costs can come in the form of wasted time & energy, hurt feelings and loss of respect (to name a few). Some arguments are worth having. Others do not benefit us in the least – and only cost us.

So if we’re going to argue, I’m going to make sure there is a benefit to winning or a loss to losing. Otherwise, you can have this win. I’ll save up for when we have something important to argue about.

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How Learning About ‘Different’ People Can Decrease Ignorance http://persistenceunlimited.com/2009/04/how-learning-about-different-people-can-decrease-ignorance/ http://persistenceunlimited.com/2009/04/how-learning-about-different-people-can-decrease-ignorance/#comments Thu, 02 Apr 2009 13:01:56 +0000 Brad Isaac http://persistenceunlimited.com/?p=1442

My wife and I didn’t know we had a problem.

Our son had gone from being a kind and lovable boy of 10 to someone prone to violent tantrums, outrageously offensive remarks to other kids, parents and teachers.  He was getting suspended from school on a weekly basis for incidents I thought were borderline crazy.

I complained daily that he never seemed to grasp cause and effect.  He’d get into trouble at school for something and both the school and his parents would punish him.  The very next day, he’d go in and repeat the same mistake.  Lather, rinse, repeat – we’d go through the same dance again and again.

There were late nights when he would obsess about a grandparent who died 2 years prior.  His tearful detailing of the subtleties of human death, dying and decay, I literally got chills!  It was like living with the kid from the Sixth Sense.

We wondered if he had been abused by someone while we weren’t around. The doctors were baffled and could not give us any answers.

At one point I considered the possibility that after his appendix burst and had emergency surgery, maybe he had suffered a mild brain damage from the anesthetic or perhaps the poison from the appendix caused the problem. Many nights we stayed awake trying to make sense of it all.

How does a parent deal with a child who seems to get more odd by the day?  How do you stop him from acting out?  How do you stop him from hurting himself?

Well, if you are me, you search.

One doctor had hinted at the diagnoses for 3 months before he called me in for a 1 hour meeting.

“Listen,” he said.  “You have a great kid there.  He is likeable -  I like him and most everyone will like him.  He’s bright.  He’s got a caring spirit.  And I know you and your wife are on his side – some parents aren’t.

…But you seem resistant to hear what I am telling you.”

“Ok,” I said.  “What are you telling me.”

“I believe your son has autism. “

And there it was.  He said it.  I dreaded with my very soul to hear that word.  I felt my chest sink into my stomach.  Adrenalin hit my bloodstream.

No.  I said.  He’s too smart.  He’s like a mechanical engineer – just geeky and awkward.  That’s all.

But inside I knew.

The doctor continued talking, but I couldn’t hear.  I nearly panicked about what it meant  for my son’s future.  What it meant for my family.  What about schools? How would we survive with this horrible curse thrust upon us?

“..His behaviors, social skills and inability to see cause and effect are extreme enough to warrant that diagnoses with no further testing.  However, I recommend you take him in for more in depth testing so proper school arrangements could be made.”

Thus began a new journey.  I started a new education into the world of autism spectrum disorder, especially Asperger syndrome.

And if you are expecting me to say everything has been peachy keen since, sorry this isn’t that type of post.  But it hasn’t been nearly as horrible as I expected.  There have been many lows but some memorable highs too.

Today is autism awareness day. It begins the official autism awareness month.

As a parent of a child with Asperger’s syndrome (mild-high functional autism) this today is a good opportunity for me to help raise awareness.  Though I am still new to it all.

But I have decreased my ignorance with regard to autism in several positive ways:

  1. I discovered my son wasn’t abused, poisoned, brain damaged, or seeing dead people
  2. I discovered he is still smart and autism won’t decrease his brain capacity.
  3. I discovered that although it may not be natural, he will one day learn cause and effect.  We’ve already experienced improvements in this area.
  4. I learned there are hundreds of wonderful families in my area going through the same thing who are wanting to support and help.
  5. I learned there is a wealth of information being shared among parents of autistic children and that my wife and I could get support and information just by getting involved.
  6. I’ve discovered that it is still going to be difficult much of the time, but there are wonderful spots of clarity along the way.

That’s my story.  Let’s hear yours…

Has your life been changed by an autistic child or relative?  What discoveries have you made about autism that changed your original misconceptions?  I encourage you to share your story in the comments.

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Gabriel Byrne’s 6 Step Guide to Developing Persuasion http://persistenceunlimited.com/2008/03/gabriel-byrnes-6-step-guide-to-developing-persuasion/ http://persistenceunlimited.com/2008/03/gabriel-byrnes-6-step-guide-to-developing-persuasion/#comments Fri, 07 Mar 2008 22:23:06 +0000 Brad Isaac http://persistenceunlimited.com/2008/03/gabriel-byrnes-6-step-guide-to-developing-persuasion/

Gabriel ByrneOne of my favorite actors is Gabriel Byrne. He stars in my favorite movie of all time. He is such a great actor, I can’t help but be a bit mesmerized by his performances.

A few weeks ago, I learned about his latest work which is a series for HBO called In Treatment. In it, he plays a highly successful psychoanalyst named Paul confronted by 5 different patients with difficult personal problems. As a sub-plot, he is human, so he has his own life problems as a husband and father. I’m about 2 weeks into the series so don’t spoil anything!

What’s different about this show is the lack of action, violence and sex. Instead it’s a show where people sit and talk. Yet, it’s still exciting to watch. Additionally, there is a side benefit to watching it. His character Paul, is subtle, but powerful. Although a fictional series, the fundamentals that Paul uses are based on real psychoanalytic and persuasion methods. As such, by watching a few episodes, I found myself influenced to employ some of the skills in my recent communications with family and friends. Not to persuade, but to listen a more closely, and hear a little more… Which is a good thing for everyone, I think.

You too can learn these techniques and to start, here are the 6 methods you can study as you watch the show…

1. Listen Quietly - The average conversation is anything but listening… We interrupt each other. We think about other things. We sigh to ourselves and think “won’t they just shut up?”

Alarmingly, in the first episode, Paul doesn’t say a word for a long time. He just sits there waiting for his patient to speak. At which point, he listens quietly – without interruption and without appearing to wander or become distracted. By listening quietly, the other person feels pressure to fill the void of silence by speaking – which is exactly what he wants. By being a listener and not a talker, he gets the upper hand.

2. Reflect Back - In my University studies I remember reading countlessly about this technique. “Reflect back what your clients are saying,” the books would say. “When you reflect back, the person discloses more and you have more opportunity to get at the root of their problem.” Yep, that sounds great! But how do you do it?

Byrne’s character is an amazing teacher of this skill. A client says “I just don’t feel like they care.” He reflects back, same voice, same emotion “It’s important for you to feel cared for…”

Like in real situations, some of the patients catch him doing this and say “stop analysing me.” Yet, they continue disclosing…also like in real life.

By “reflecting” the other person feels understood. When was the last time you felt completely understood? We all seek to be understood, but rarely do we feel it. Reflecting projects this understanding that people so desparately want.

3. Do not reveal personal details – Paul does not reveal anything personal about his clients – not even to his wife. This, in fact, makes him trustworthy. By keeping personal details to yourself, people learn they can trust you. Not that you should “cover up” a crime, but if someone expresses a personal detail about their past, keep it to yourself. That trust will go a long way toward personal power.

4. Be Inquisitive - Ask plenty of questions, clarify. Again, the deepest emotional needs of humans is to be important and be understood. Paul speaks very little during his sessions, but when he does, he is usually asking a question. After the patient finishes what she’s saying, he’ll ask “And then what happened?” even after you think she’s done. As a viewer, you can become uncomfortable because you think she’s done. But of course, she’ll continue her story.

As odd and uncomfortable this feels to the viewer, it is an accurate representation of the method. Give it a try sometime. When your friend finishes a story, say “and then what happened?” Or “then what did you do?” You’ll find almost every time the story continues…

5. Be Non-Judgmental - At least in appearance, Byrne’s character does not seem offended by some of his patient’s stories. One of the clients is a pilot who tells him that he dropped a bomb on a school in Iraq due to the mis-targeting of the people in command. Another client informs him that she was going to have sex with a stranger in the bathroom stall of a nightclub the whole while fantasizing about Paul.

Even though he might be personally repulsed by these stories, he remains calm and non-judgmental. By remaining in his words “safe” the other expresses more and can see their thoughts more clearly.

6. Face uncomfortable topics - Often in one of the sessions a patient will tell him “I’m not ready to talk about that.” Paul nods and lets them continue speaking, yet closer to the end of the session, he’ll bring it back up. He isn’t afraid to face uncomfortable topics.

By facing tough topics with the other person, you are reinforcing your role as someone safe and someone who can be trusted.

Treatment?

These skills make you more trusted, likable and attractive – as evidenced by the many patients who fall in love with their therapists.

However, I’m not recommending you watch this show and start counseling friends and family – that might be annoying. I am only saying there are some powerful persuasion and communication techniques at work here and this is the best example of them on film I’ve ever seen. Putting some of them to work will help you develop closer bonds and influence.
Have you seen In Treatment yet? If so, what do you think? Do you find Byrne’s communication style as influential as me?

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How Taking Sides Can Change You for the Better. http://persistenceunlimited.com/2008/02/how-taking-sides-can-change-you-for-the-better/ http://persistenceunlimited.com/2008/02/how-taking-sides-can-change-you-for-the-better/#comments Sun, 10 Feb 2008 19:14:54 +0000 Brad Isaac http://persistenceunlimited.com/2008/02/how-taking-sides-can-change-you-for-the-better/

Neil Simon’s Biloxi Blues is a great movie.  It’s got a little bit of everything, action, romance, humor, tragedy.  

Biloxi Blues also has one of the best motivational quotes I’ve ever heard.  When I first heard it, I thought…Wow! He’s absolutely right.  I wonder if other viewers are as taken with it as I am.

This particular scene happens when the geeky character Epstein takes the blame for something he didn’t do.  The sergeant is questioning the platoon on who stole some money and Epstein stepped forward.

Matthew Broderick plays Jerome and asks Epstein why he’d take the blame for something he didn’t do.  “We’re both Jews, but I don’t understand you at all…” Jerome pleads.

Epstein calmly replies:

“You’re a witness.  You’re always standing around watching what’s happening.  You’re scribbling in your book what other people do.  You have to get in the middle of it.  You have to take sides.  Make a contribution to the fight.”

Can you see the sheer brilliance of that statement?

I must have first heard it 20 years ago, but even today, I get shivers at that point of the movie.

That statement sums up what the majority of people do vs. the tiny few who make a difference.  

Think about it.  We’ve got witnesses everywhere.  Everyone looking for an opportunity to say “it’s not my job.”  Or “it’s none of my business.”  We gossip about who is doing what, meanwhile trying to keep our heads down as not to be noticed for fear we’ll be criticized, attacked or even fired for expressing our opinions or taking a stand.

It’s interesting, but while we are fearing this from higher ups, they too are fearing the same thing.  They often fear that by agreeing with you that yes, this is an injustice, they too will be attacked, criticized or fired.  

Have you ever gone to a manager with a legitimate complaint like one of the coworkers is slacking off, stealing, or using the broom closet as a makeout room and the manager says “We’ll look into it.”  But then nothing ever happens?  That is that same fear, the fear of making waves — the fear of taking sides and having to deal with the consequences.

I’ll never forget when I was working my way through college, I loaded hardware trucks for a living.  It was heavy, sweaty and demanding work that paid just above minimum wage.  

But I considered myself lucky.  Many of the other men there were my age, but had dropped out of high school to take care of their families – i.e. they started having kids at 17-18 years old.  I knew that although this was crappy work now, things would be better in time.  I am afraid many of my coworkers’ futures weren’t so bright.

There was one guy who worked there.  He looked like a kid trying to be a 1980’s “hair rocker”.  He wore an AC/DC tee shirt every day which was likely the reason for his nickname – they called him AC/DC.  Everyone hated him. If we were in the military, they’d call him a “Class-A F*ck Up.”

When AC/DC was around, everyone’s work became more difficult.

He would walk from one area of the plant to another, just leisurely strolling around, chatting with other people.  His job was to load trucks like the rest of us, but I don’t remember seeing him ever putting anything heavier than a mailbox kit on a truck.  Instead, he would wander the plant, drinking Cokes, chatting, and interrupting others as they worked.  

I didn’t like the guy because he was lazy and obnoxious, so I just focused on memorizing my class notes as I loaded 75lb boxes of nails and screws onto “my trucks”. 

But one day, one of the burly guys had had enough.  He cornered lazy AC/DC in my section.  He had backed him into one of the trailers where there was no escape.  Remember, AC/DC was a scrawny weakling.  The guy backing him up was a big, surly dock worker.  Like everyone else, he moved tons worth of hardware each and every day in the blistering heat.  He wasn’t the type you wanted to screw with.

But this day, he had AC/DC backed in a corner and was ready to do some damage.  

I remember AC/DC saying “Why are you wanting to hurt ME?”  

To which he said “You don’t do any work, you make everyone else work harder.”

But then the kid said something that left everyone scratching their heads.  “That’s not my fault!  Rick and Tom (the managers) are supposed to make me do work.  They don’t.  They don’t even ask me to work anymore.  They leave me alone.  So until they do their jobs by making me work, why should I, you or anyone else here do work?  …..If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at Rick and Tom!”

You might expect that he still beat him to a pulp, or that he kicked him into the next century.  But none of that happened. Everyone went back to work, except for AC/DC.  He went about his merry way eating sandwiches, drinking cokes and making an ass of himself.

Reflecting on this incident, it’s easy for me to see the sheer power of taking sides.  This kid chose a side.  He chose to get paid to do nothing.  While the managers chose not to take sides.

Taking sides does require bravery.  Since most people are only witnesses, a side taker stands out and makes news.  People talk about the ones who take sides and stand for something.  So when you pick a side, make sure it is consistent with your own personal principles so you can defend it.

As ridiculous as AC/DC’s side was, it still exposed him to ridicule, criticism and potential physical harm.  But in the end, he did get what he wanted.  He got to be lazy, do nothing and get paid for it.  The managers who didn’t choose sides ended up with decreased productivity, increased employee costs and an “unsolvable problem.”

Power was in the hands of the person who picked a side.  

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How to Get the Advice of a Top Notch Mentor for Free http://persistenceunlimited.com/2008/01/how-to-get-the-advice-of-a-top-notch-mentor-for-free/ http://persistenceunlimited.com/2008/01/how-to-get-the-advice-of-a-top-notch-mentor-for-free/#comments Tue, 22 Jan 2008 03:00:58 +0000 Brad Isaac http://persistenceunlimited.com/2008/01/how-to-get-the-advice-of-a-top-notch-mentor-for-free/

smoky

Why would someone want a mentor?

I talk about failing as being a good thing on this site, because failure brings us closer to the success we seek. But sometimes, there can be a better way. We don’t necessarily have to go through all the trials and tribulations in order to get where we want to go. One of the ways to get the “straight path” is through a mentor.

A mentor is someone who has done what you set out to do. They can save you time, money, energy, social status and keep you away from the rivers of Hell if you can find a good one.

But one common problem with mentors is that they are expensive. Some mentors charge thousands of dollars per hour. Depending where you are in life, you may not be able to afford the services of a high-falooting mentor right now.

That’s why I am going to show you how to get one at no cost:

It takes a little bit of digging to find a mentor who has specific expertise but it’s worth the effort. Read your local newspaper. Thumb through the Yellow Pages. Go to the Library and ask the librarian if he knows who specializes locally in the skill you want to develop. You might be surprised at how insightful a good librarian can be at locating such information lickity-split.

fractalic

Asking

Once you’ve identified a few people who would make good mentors, then it’s time to ask.

I recommend you follow a few ground rules before contacting a prospective mentor.

First, respect that the mentor is very busy.

And also understand and respect that they are the expert.

Therefore when I approach someone I’d like to mentor me, I acknowledge both their busyness as well as their expertise.

For instance, I might say something like

“Dr. Johnston, I was reading in the business news about your ranking as one of the top three ___________ in the city, and I know you are busy.

I am just getting started at _______________ (or in the exploratory stage of _________________) and am looking for some direction. Would you or someone you know be available to answer six or seven questions I have? I promise it won’t take more than 15 minutes of your time.”

I don’t think I’ve ever been turned down when I approach someone in this manner for advice. And more than once, the meeting resulted in either a job offer or the offer of an internship. What could be better than being mentored by one of the best and getting paid for it or getting on-the-job training?

How to handle the first meeting

When your potential mentor agrees to meet with you, do not waste their time. Make sure you are organized. If you said you were going to ask them six or seven questions, make sure you have them written down and be prepared to take notes on the answers. Also, I think it’s classy to keep careful watch on time. If I promise that I’ll be only 15 minutes, I stop the meeting in 15 minutes. I say “I promised I would only take 15 minutes of your time, I know how busy you are.

The person always responds “oh, that’s okay…” and the meeting continues. Sometimes for more than an hour.

Now why would a mentor give you their time for free?

Many of the people who have done what you strive to do, won’t charge you a red cent to help you. But why?

They often long to share their information with someone who wants to hear what they have to say. They might have employees who have to listen and learn, but it’s different to have someone want to listen. Make sense?

As a former network administrator and now CIO, I have mentored students in the pursuit of network administration. I’ve employed interns and try to answer questions via e-mail when I can.

This takes my time, and if looked at in the strictest sense, costs money too. So why would I do it for free?

There are several reasons, really. There were mentors in my past who helped me without charging me. Maybe I can return the favor.

When I teach, I learn as much as or more than the person I am teaching. It strengthens my skills and makes me better at what I do.

Finally, I’m gaining the support of people who can help me down the road. Mentoring well means that you’ll have another expert who can help you solve some puzzles when they specialize.

So if you want to succeed, seek out people who have done what you want to and ask them for their help. They just might give it to you for free.

This is part 68 of 101 Goal Setting Breakthroughs: A 31 Day Blog Series That Will Make 2008 Your Best Year Ever! Subscribe to my free RSS feed to get the rest of the series and never miss a tip!

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Categorize Your Dream Roundup http://persistenceunlimited.com/2008/01/101-goal-setting-breakthroughs-for-2008-part-3-categorize-your-dream-roundup/ http://persistenceunlimited.com/2008/01/101-goal-setting-breakthroughs-for-2008-part-3-categorize-your-dream-roundup/#comments Wed, 02 Jan 2008 16:00:50 +0000 Brad Isaac http://persistenceunlimited.com/2008/01/101-goal-setting-breakthroughs-for-2008-part-3-categorize-your-dream-roundup/

101_goal_setting_breakthroughs_2008 Aren’t you bursting with butterflies right now?

After doing the goal listing exercise from part two, people always tell me that they are raring to go. They are chomping at the bit ready to get moving. You should be too.

If you don’t feel excited or like climbing Mount Everest, you haven’t tapped the well deep enough. Go back to part 2 of this series and spend a good half hour or 45 minutes on your Big List. No need in holding back… write down everything you want.

Optimizing your goal list

Once you have gone through the exhilarating process of listing of everything you want in life it’s time to do a little bookkeeping. Don’t worry, it’s going to be simple.

All I want you to do is go through and place a letter next to each one of your goals. Each letter will represent a life category.

I would recommend the following four categories (you can choose more or less if you desire):

(M) – Money
(F) – Family
(S) – Spiritual
(P) – Personal

The reason for categorizing your goals is there will come times during your goal setting career when you feel “out of balance.” If that’s the case, you are emphasizing one of those four major categories to the detriment of the others.

As an example, let’s take a newly married couple. Newlyweds should spend the first year of their marriage enjoying one another and making the first year as pleasant as possible. You may have heard the saying that the “first year is the hardest”? I’ll second that because it was for Kim and me.

Anyway, while the two newlyweds are supposed to be spending time together, the goal focused partner may be spending entirely too much time focusing on the (M) aspect of their goal categories and neglecting the (F) goal category. You can see that by doing this the other person is going to feel taken for granted or neglected.

The same would be true of another couple who are both goal getters but each have all their goals focused on the (P) category to the neglect of the (F). This couple would begin to feel as if they are drifting apart. You can almost see how the arguments would unfold…

So by categorizing your goals, you will have a direction that keeps you well-rounded. You will be able to have your cake and eat it too.

So spend a few minutes going through your list and place each of your goals into a category by writing a categorizing letter beside each one of them.

You may decide that you want to rewrite your goals at a later time on different sheets of paper one for money, one for family, one for spiritual, and one for personal. It just depends on what makes you feel better.

Hey! If you like this post and this series, please bookmark it on del.icio.us or vote for it on Digg. Thank you!

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What Do You Do With 2 Tickets to A Show When You Can’t Go? http://persistenceunlimited.com/2007/10/what-do-you-do-with-2-tickets-to-a-show-when-you-cant-go/ http://persistenceunlimited.com/2007/10/what-do-you-do-with-2-tickets-to-a-show-when-you-cant-go/#comments Mon, 29 Oct 2007 13:11:31 +0000 Brad Isaac http://persistenceunlimited.com/2007/10/what-do-you-do-with-2-tickets-to-a-show-when-you-cant-go/

You know what they say about good intentions…

on_ice_finding_nemo One small tradition I’ve started with my daughter is to have a “Daddy – Daughter day” where we go see a big show at the Coliseum.  This time around, it was Disney on Ice: Finding Nemo. 

She was thrilled we got tickets.  I was thrilled she was thrilled.  But it turns out, we aren’t going to be in town the day of the show! 

Since the ticket policy is non-refundable, non-transferable, I would like to know if you have any creative ideas or stories about what you did when you had tickets for a show you couldn’t go to?

I thought about eBay or Craigslist, but there has to be a better way to trade for a night we can go. 

Any ideas?

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5 Ways to Disarm A Grumpy Boss http://persistenceunlimited.com/2007/10/5-ways-to-disarm-a-grumpy-boss/ http://persistenceunlimited.com/2007/10/5-ways-to-disarm-a-grumpy-boss/#comments Mon, 22 Oct 2007 16:00:34 +0000 Brad Isaac http://persistenceunlimited.com/2007/10/5-ways-to-disarm-a-grumpy-boss/

It is Monday Morning. You walk into work and your boss is grumpy. What do you do? Do you skulk off to your cubicle? Do you turn around and go home – to later call in sick?
A grumpy boss can suck all the air out of a room. He or she can cause worry among the staff and lead to an overall negative work environment if something isn’t done.

Here are 5 quick tips you can use to disarm the grumpy boss and get on with a happy workday.

1. Directly address the situation – Ask your boss what is troubling her. This takes some guts but can pay off royally. Asking simple questions like “You seem a bit stressed, what’s wrong? Can I do anything to help?” Will deflate some of the most volatile situations.

However your boss responds (or reacts), remain calm. Breathe and pay attention. There is an old saying “people aren’t mad at you, they are mad at the person who came before you.” So there is a chance there is nothing you can do except be a sounding board. This can pay dividends as far as becoming a trusted part of the boss’s inner circle.

Now if the problem is YOU, then be prepared to take your medicine. But as a success oriented person, you should want to know when you make a mistake. Listen and acknowledge the mistake. If you feel it’s unfair, save that for a calmer time. But try to see the situation from your boss’s perspective. Overall, winners take responsibility – even if it seems like it’s not their fault.

2. Divert with good news – Sometimes all a boss needs to get rid of a bad mood is some good news. Good business news can turn his bad attitude inside out. So the time to drop the good news that you landed the new account or finally finished the major hurdle that stood in the way of a major project will divert Mr. Grouch into thinking more positive.

Think of diversion as a change of subject. It is a way to put the mind into another state. A simple example is if you are stressed, turn off the lights, close your eyes and think of sitting on a warm beach for 5-10 minutes. Don’t you feel more relaxed, calm and positive?

Therefore, don’t think of diverting your boss’s bad attitude as something bad. You are doing everyone at your office a favor.

3. A small gift – Warning: I am not talking about a bribe. Remember that your boss is completely human. Sometimes their spouse ticked them off on the way to work. Other times a friend may have let them down. A small gift like a piece of candy, a funny and pertinent cartoon clipping or an article cut out of a magazine you think she’ll like. Heck, you can even print up some of the articles you’ll find on this site. That’s sure to improve anyone’s day. ;)
4. Ask if there is something you can do – Find out if there is something you can do to alleviate the situation. I am not suggesting you be the boss’s “whipping boy” by any means. Just get in there and solve some problems. If you can pick up some slack or take care of some small problem then your boss will be thankful.
5. Stay away – If you have tried prior 4 tips, and your boss is still flying off the handle, it is time for some distance. If he’s an absolute tyrant, now may be the time for you to do some work off-site. You might consider retreating to another part of the building – or your car – until the storm passes.

Now is definitely not the time to ask for any favors. When your boss is in a crabby mood, that is not the time to ask for a raise. It’s not time to ask for a leave of absence. Save your request for a calmer time.

Final thoughts: Realize that you can play a powerful role in how your office dynamics play out. You can help not only your boss, but your entire office, have a better day. It can be intimidating and a challenge, but I think you are up to the task.

I am sure some of you have some creative ways of disarming your bosses that I haven’t mentioned. Please share your strategies in the comments below. :)

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Don’t Be Like Penelope http://persistenceunlimited.com/2007/10/dont-be-like-penelope/ http://persistenceunlimited.com/2007/10/dont-be-like-penelope/#comments Mon, 08 Oct 2007 22:30:19 +0000 Brad Isaac http://persistenceunlimited.com/2007/10/dont-be-like-penelope/

There is a new character named Penelope on Saturday Night Live performed by Kristen Wiig. Penelope has a problem. Any time someone tells a story about themselves, she interjects with a story of her own? only hers is better.

For instance, if a woman says she just had a baby girl, Penelope interjects that she had twin girls. If an amateur pilot tells other people at the party he is taking flying lessons, Penelope interrupts to tell everyone she is the on-call pilot for Air Force 1.

penelope_snlShe is an exaggeration of a personality we all know. She is the person who can’t stand for someone else to have the stage. She’ll bust into any conversation and attempt to steal the glory.

In the skits though, like in real life, others catch on to the nonsense quickly, and she earns the scorn and ridicule of the group.

In one skit, Molly Shannon sets up Penelope during an apartment association meeting by announcing that she gave birth to a baby cow because she wanted free milk. Penelope attempts to one-up her by saying she gave birth to 2 baby cows. It’s all funny, but how many times do you find yourself excited by an accomplishment, when someone claims “I did that. But when I did it, it was better.”

We are all at different stages of development, whether intellectually, professionally, mentally or socially. So allowing someone to have their achievement is important – if not to you, it is to them.

When you want power with people, it’s not what you say, it’s what you hear that counts. Attempting to swipe the glory by spinning their story into your better story only leads to animosity.

It is a big temptation to interject. Bragging is fun. But as I get older, I recognize is great power in letting others have their stories.

Penelope is fun to watch because she’s so ridiculous, but she’s a lonely person. She can’t make friends. If you want friends and powerful relationships, don’t be like Penelope.

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Fast and Easy Way To Run A Family Newsletter Using An Auto Responder http://persistenceunlimited.com/2007/09/fast-and-easy-way-to-run-a-family-newsletter-using-an-auto-responder/ http://persistenceunlimited.com/2007/09/fast-and-easy-way-to-run-a-family-newsletter-using-an-auto-responder/#comments Thu, 20 Sep 2007 23:24:25 +0000 Brad Isaac http://persistenceunlimited.com/2007/09/fast-and-easy-way-to-run-a-family-newsletter-using-an-auto-responder/

If you have a large family, you may have tried the family newsletter to share current “goings on” in your family with everyone in your extended family. Sharing a newsletter with everyone can be fun, informative and helpful to distant relatives who may be indisposed. However, the traditional paper, stamp mailer newsletter suffers from several different flaws.

1. Difficult to edit
2. Can be centered on only one small portion of the family
3. Cost money for stamps, paper and envelopes

For these reasons you may want to consider using AWEBER (aff. link) auto responder to create a dynamic family newsletter where everyone can easily contribute, share and enjoy. It is the service I’ve been using for 2 years and IMHO it’s the best.

Here’s how to create a family newsletter:
First, small business owners probably already have an autoresponder set up. If so, you can create a sub account under your main account. If not, you can simply create a new account here.

This tutorial will demonstrate how to do it with AWEBER. But other auto responders should work similarly.

Setting Up the Newsletter

In this part, you’ll create the structure of your newsletter and email address within your auto responder software.

Step 1: Under the Home menu item, choose “Add New” link.

Step 2: Hit the Create List button

Step 3: Choose an obvious name in case you end up running more than one newsletter. I recommend you choose your family name as the title of your newsletter.

Step 4: Choose a standard title for your newsletter. In the software, it says Company Branding. Ignore that and set it up for your family.

Tips:
Don’t pick a name that is humorous

The Isaac Family Ledger is a safe bet, whereas a funny title like The Isaac Family Tattler will make some family members wary of it. Your relatives don’t want to think they are being spied on. The title of your newsletter will either be inviting for participation or will dissuade people from reading and participating. Choose something standard and you’ll be ok.

Enter a Reply address (a real address where your family can easily get in touch with you.)


Step 5: Creating the Welcome Message

When your family members subscribe to your newsletter, it’s good to have a nice welcome message. It will be delivered within 5 minutes of them subscribing. Therefore, you will want to have this message ready BEFORE you ask people to subscribe.

Go to the List Settings tab and choose Verified Opt-in

Step 6: Personalize your message. You can go with the default setup, but I like to personalize this message. One of the cool things about Aweber is the way to tailor each message to each member of your list the {!firstname_fix} variable will make the list member’s first name appear in it’s place.


Step 7: Customize message text. I also recommend you customize the message text as well, remind them to click the link otherwise they won’t be subscribed.

Note: After you create your customized subscribe message there is a delay while it’s being processed.

Step 8: Creating The First Follow Up Message

After your family starts subscribing to your newsletter, it’s a good idea to put a message welcoming them to the letter.

Start by going to the Messages tap and choose Follow up

Prepare the List of subscribers

Step 9: Add names and emails

Tips before creating your first newsletter:

  • Remember many email filters block emails that use too much HTML and flashy graphics
  • Keep in mind, older family members may have trouble reading odd fonts or type on backgrounds other than white
  • Ariel font is a safe bet with a white background.

Create Your First Newsletter

Now we’re at the fun part. It’s time to create your first newsletter!
Go to the Messages tab and click “Broadcast message” Then press the
Create

Step 10: Click the Broadcast Message button.


Step 11: Choose your newsletter format

You can pick a date and time ahead of time to queue the message. Or if you want to send it ASAP, leave the time setting alone.
1. Choose All Leads to reach all of your family
2. Click tracking is used if you will be linking to a web page or an email address. If you are curious about what people are clicking on, put a checkmark in this box.
3. Pick your Theme. Keep in mind your great granny might be reading the newsletter and her aged eyes would do better with simple themes and fonts. Thus, I recommend the following settings:
a. Ariel Font
b. White background
c. Minimal graphics


Step 12: Now you can begin composing the stories in your newsletter.
You can use text formatting or full html. HTML looks better, but sometimes gets blocked by email filters. However, with family, you can follow up after the first message or two to make sure everyone got it. So, HTML might be a fun way to go.

More settings: Before sending your message, you might want to put a checkmark in the RSS/HTML feed box. This will set up a page where all of your newsletters will be archived on a website. It is a free addition to the Aweber package and is a good option unless your newsletter gets too personal. The archive pages are not password protected.

Step 13: Send your newsletter

After you have completed your first message, you are ready to send. I recommend you click the Test link (see below) and email yourself a copy. When you get it, did everything look ok? If so, queue it up!

Overall, I hope your family newsletter becomes a fun and informative way to keep in touch with one another.

More info: http://www.aweber.com

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