It’s common for people with big goals to get frustrated, maybe even angry they aren’t going as fast as we’d like them to go. Yesterday, I had an opportunity to discuss this with a friend. He was mad that he didn’t burn enough calories during his workout plan – his goal is to get in shape.
First, I asked “What commitment did you make to yourself?” He said that he hadn’t really made a commitment except that he wanted to get in shape.
It may seem like an argument of semantics, but I disagree. He did make a commitment to take action. But he may not have been entirely conscious of the commitment. It may have been as simple as “I’ll exercise every day for 30 minutes.” Otherwise, what is there to be angry about?
Let me give an example. You are meeting a friend for dinner. She says she’ll be there at 7 o’clock. 7:45 rolls around and she finally arrives. You are angry – or at least irritated. Why? Because she broke the commitment. If she had said “I’ll be there sometime tonight.” And she still arrived at 7:30 are you still mad? No. She didn’t break the commitment. My friend had a commitment that he felt he broke, but I’m not sure he was aware of what the commitment was.
Clarify Commitments
Conscious or not, I think we should be aware of our commitments and clarify them. If my friend could put his finger on what he’s expecting from himself and write it out, then it’s easier tracked. It will all boil down to yes or no questions “Did I exercise 30 minutes today?”
Choose Reasonable Commitments
Commitments should be stuff you can do. If you’ve never exercised a day in your life, and you are holding yourself to 2 hours a day of 7 days a week, that’s a recipe for failure. Like the saying goes “inch by inch….” To be successful, we must commit to that “inch” 3-5 times a week.
On the other hand, one inch every 3 or 4 weeks (depending on how you feel at the time) just isn’t going to cut it.
Rewards and Punishment
I’d also recommend rewarding good behavior and punishing bad. Say after a day of working out you can enjoy a DVD movie, popcorn and a glass of wine. Then after a week of working out for the days committed treat yourself to an evening out. But if you miss a day, then no enjoyable activities that same night. No DVD, no popcorn, and you sure as hell aren’t getting any wine either. The punishment must be swift and you must stick to it.
Holding your own feet to the fire can be tough, but it’s crucial. Saying “oh just this once I won’t meet my commitment but I’m still going to watch my favorite show” undermines progress. The next time you don’t feel like doing it, it becomes that much easier to shrug off. An evening of “adult time-out” might just motivate you to meet your commitment right then and there so you can get it over with and get back to the fun.
If you see a reward at the end of the tunnel ONLY for meeting your commitment and a punishment for not doing it, then doing what you need to becomes second nature.
Arguably this is very BF Skinnerish, but it works. It’s worked for me on countless occasions. I had frequent rewards in place. And I had rewards every week for weekly success. But I also had punishments for not doing lined up too that I forced myself to stick to. I still weep thinking of all those nights of Counter-Strike I missed just because I couldn’t get my act together.
No dessert can be just as effective on adults as on our kids…
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Any post that references Skinner gets my attention. I’ve always used rewards as a motivator, but never punishment for failing to follow through on my goals. I’ll have to give this a try.
Corporate Barbarian´s last blog ..Self-Reliance Series #5C: Prepping Your Home for an Emergency: Communications, Lighting, and Tools
Reply
Very nice! So many times I fall victim to that same thing. I know I want to do something, but I don’t set a specific S.M.A.R.T goal. It’s hard to know when you’re meeting, or breaking a commitment, if you don’t even know what that looks like.
Reply
Seriously great post!
This was exactly what I needed to hear right now! It’s so true, that all we can do is commit to an action. We can’t commit to results.
You can’t control what will happen, you can only control your actions.
Kaizan´s last blog ..If You’re Not Complaining, There’s Something Wrong With You
Reply
Great advice and good work on the title of your post. Cute!
Nik Halik´s last blog ..Make Your Life A Mosaic of Colorful Experiences
Reply
I’ll try to implement your suggestions: Reward when meeting commitments and punish when not.
Reply