5 Reasons Why You’ll Never Amount to Anything…

by Brad Isaac on February 12, 2008

Warning: I received several unexpected responses to my post about the motivating qualities of verbal abuse and insults. So I elicited the help of an old friend from the Marine corps to expand upon the theme. It contains adult language and may result in a few hard feelings. Due to his obvious connections, he asked me not to identify him by name so we’ll just use his last initial.

So here is Sergent Major O ret. from Quantico, VA who has a few tender and heartfelt words he wanted to share…

Listen up maggots…

When Isaac contacted me, I couldn’t believe my blessed ears. This guy makes more money than god and you have the outright audacity to ignore what he has to say.

Let’s face it. You don’t have anything going on upstairs do you? Sounds to me like Mama must have dropped you on your head as a baby. That would at least explain the ugly…

Let me type it real slow for you so you can understand…

  • You see how to take action – but you don’t
  • You know how to make daily progress – but you don’t
  • You have tools for thinking better – but you won’t

YOU thinking… Imagine that. Ha! That’s a laugh! I’ll have to tell my buddies that one. I can’t even believe I said the words YOU and thinking in the same sentence. It’s so close to a lie I am afraid I’ll get struck by lightning.

While we’re on the subject, I have some more tough news for you.

You’ll never amount to anything and here are 5 reasons why:

1. You talk too much - If you were assigned to my platoon, I could spot you from two clicks away. I hear you talking loud, but you don’t do shit. Folks like you get put on cleaning latrines because I can’t trust you to watch my back or anyone else’s. You’ll make a good shoe shine boy one day. But for now, scrubbing toilets is the best you can do. At least then, nobody has to get killed because of your dumb ass.

2. You waste everyone’s time - Look at this… a perfectly good B-log or whatever you call it. Enough good information to make you a millionaire 10 times over. Thousands of pages wasted on people like you who won’t get off your ass to save your own life. Wasted words on a wasted life…

You must really get your rocks off thinking about how fun it is to be dead weight. It burns me up to know I’ll be paying your bills when you start collecting Social Security as your only “paycheck” one day.

3. You are weak - You’re like the recruit always going to the infirmary – trying to ditch as much work as possible… a sick little baby who’s back hurts. Let me ask you, what’s so hard about your job? Are you building sand barricades? Are you crawling uphill with AK47 rounds whizzing over your head? Or does your little soft hand hurt from writing those reports? If you were in my platoon, I’d see to it that you’d be out digging ditches in the rain. And if it wasn’t raining, I’d stand over you with a water hose. Heck, that might be the only way to make brain dead people like you appreciate the “work” you do have so you’ll quit whining about it.

4. You are too stupid - Isaac is wasting his time. He writes about better thinking and idea generation. Here’s an idea for you – get used to losing at life. A million dollar idea in the hands of an idiot like you is like handing the crown jewels to a red-assed monkey. You’ll throw it around, jump up and down and scream until it’s no longer an idea but an excuse to go order a double whopper with cheese value meal. By the way, you’re fat as hell.

5. You can’t see beyond your own nose - In the Marines we plan several moves ahead. The enemy is always thinking. We anticipate what they’ll do 2 days, 2 weeks and 2 months out. If we stop to take one of these breaks that you think you so desperately need, people die. Got it?

You? You’re still whining about yesterday… complaining about the undercooked steak you had a week ago or the traffic jam on the way to work. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were just pretending to be dumb to get people’s sympathy. But you and I both know it’s for real. You’ve cornered the market on stupid and you ain’t hedging. We might as well turn you over ’cause you’re done.

So now you know the reasons why you’ll never amount to anything. It doesn’t have to be a mystery any more. When the foreman at the plant asks you why you are so useless just print this out and hand it to him. That’d be the honorable thing to do, if you actually do have any shred of decency in that puny brain of yours…

I’ve wasted enough time on you lowlifes.
Over and out,

Sgt. Major O

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{ 13 comments }

February 12, 2008 at 9:15 pm

Clap clap clap!

Very nicely put.

February 12, 2008 at 9:15 pm

This was just SO fun to read. I imagined your face under the lid of the sergeant in Full Metal Jacket, ditched your smiley little grin and thought about you screaming that the whole time! Great job on the text… Sounds quite legit.

B. Riley February 12, 2008 at 9:34 pm

Hah! You think that was Brad!? There’s no way. . . .

February 12, 2008 at 9:37 pm

If it was Brad, he had far more than a little help as he stated in the introduction. If it wasn’t, it was still fun trying to picture him doing it! Either way, greatly entertaining.

Rod2020 February 12, 2008 at 9:38 pm

Great post! I copied it to Word, cleaned it up (just a little bit) and showed it to my 10-year-old son – there are some highly relevant bits for when he refuses to do things!

Will it change things? We’ll see …

Thanks anyway!

Brad Isaac February 12, 2008 at 10:04 pm

cleaned it up (just a little bit)

Yeah, I had to drop and do 20 push ups when Sgt. Maj. saw I goofed up the formatting.

It might help if you attach a visual to the document before you give it to your son.   ;)

Brad Isaac February 13, 2008 at 9:18 am

So … Should I invite Sgt. Major back for some followup posts?

February 13, 2008 at 9:24 am

Do you need to ask? Bring it on if you think you’re so tough!

February 13, 2008 at 9:41 am

Ouch.

Brad, I just discovered your site and this was hilarious. Then again most humor is based in truth, right?

‘Seems like there’s a mountain of touchy-feely advice out there for being productive — much of it good stuff to be sure (much of it not) — intellectually we ‘get it.’ But until it becomes visceral we don’t take action.

I guess sometimes we just need a good kick in the rear to get going.

February 13, 2008 at 11:18 am

Hi Brad,

You must be getting a little frustrated with all the folks that visit your site and read your newsletters (and aren’t listening), to use the DS approach!

I empathize entirely. I run a natural cleaning company and offer folks safer solutions to cleaning their homes and offices. Its amazing how many people will stand there and listen to me explaining what the various toxins in their commercial cleaning products can do to their bodies and then tell me they don’t feel their bathroom or kitchen is clean unless they can smell the chlorine bleach, a potent neurotoxin.

Those people, I just let go of. You can only work with the ones who are truly responding to what you offer. Its a waste of energy to worry about those who won’t listen.

Same with your business. Those who respond will take your message and run with it. Those who won’t, well they aren’t worth your time.

Good job, sweetie. Love your newsletter!

February 14, 2008 at 11:22 pm

OK, OK, I want in on the fun. I will come in as Mother Earth, totally hippie and fuzzy:

1) Starchild, it is energy that drives the universe. So catch the energy and when you make the connection the wind will be behind you and then LEAP! Leap! L e a p….. Trust the universe and it will catch you.

2) Nothing is wasted, there are no mistakes. Everything comes from something and goes to something. We are just … well, we’re just energy, all energy. Yesssss. So it’s like a big circle. A circle of life, and hope and transference. So when you hope you create energy and when you focus that energy, you BECOME.

3) Bow and rest upon the stabilizing influence of earth which grounds us and envelops our sorrow. And then you’ll see it’s all a cosmic coincidence, and when you look at your weaknesses correctly, they are strength multiplied by humility and you transcend.

4) We’re all stupid. So stooooooo-pid…. The genius of the universe eclipses our puny intellect and makes us mute and dumb. Oh, I am weak with the power of all that I do not know.

5) The flower does not worry whether or not it will open, yet every day one blooms anew. And the wind blows and the water ripples without a thought. Empty your thoughts into the universe, and you will find the answers there, if only you can find the question — then you will find the answer — and another question… and perhaps even yourself.

Starchild: Chase the dream which you embody.

Peace,

Mother Earth

*****

I do see Sgt. O’s point that sometimes you need a smack upside the head. But put-downs would not be my first or only choice. Rebukes and dressing downs used carelessly could cause more harm than good. I suppose if they were used carefully for a good reason, it would be at least for a point.

Thanks Sgt. O, I enjoyed that. (Oh, and peace!) :)

Tanuki February 16, 2008 at 10:02 am

Now, you know what would be GREAT? A podcast by Sgt. Major delivered in his best drill sergeant voice – I’d subscribe in a heartbeat! :)

Joan Jackson July 29, 2009 at 11:22 am

Let’s not forget what happened to the Sgt. in Full Metal Jacket :)

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